


Change Of Pace

by orphan_account



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-20
Updated: 2013-06-20
Packaged: 2017-12-15 14:59:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/850875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With Joel muttering between kisses as to why Ray shouldn’t be worried at all, and feeling Joel’s heart-beat beneath his fingertips, the worries began to ebb from his body and leave him feeling weightless. Nothing but a flutter in his stomach and a pleasant ache in his heart, as Joel spent every bit of energy assuring him that he wanted no one else. And Ray didn’t think he could have loved Joel more right then.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Change Of Pace

When their relationship had first started, it was always Ray who was trying to console the other. In the first few months of them getting together, it was always Ray who had to grasp Joel’s oversized sweater and reel him in, ensuring with one gentle kiss that the other needed to stop being so insecure about them as an item. It was always Ray insisting that he didn’t want anyone else, and that he was making the right decision.

It had all been honest, too. Ray really _didn’t_ want anyone else, and he was sure in the recesses of his heart and mind that this was definitely what he wanted - and to an extent - needed. And there was always that small niggle about Joel’s age, which Ray had immediately crushed to an insignificant statement, because let’s face it, no relationship is really all that conventional any more, and a few more years over Joel’s head didn’t make a damn bit of difference to whether Ray had fallen for him or not.

But as it turned out, the deeper they delved into their relationship, the more people found out about them and the longer they spent together, Ray’s scolding of Joel’s insecurities turned on their head - quickly then all at once. It was as though one day, Ray’s own worries had been a fleeting thought, occurring to him at the dead of night while Joel was asleep by his side, or on odd lunch hours when he was texting the other man and the feelings would creep up on him.

It wasn’t any issue about age, or Ray changing his mind about them. It wasn’t even an issue with them both as a couple. It was just Ray that was the problem. Because every time Joel would purposely leave his sweaters around for him to wear, and each time Joel would say something out of the blue that made Ray’s stomach flutter, each time Joel was just there as his partner and by his side – Ray felt inadequate.

As though he wasn’t surprising Joel with his affection enough or as though he wasn’t providing Joel with what he deserved – so much more than him. The bottom line was that Ray didn’t feel like he deserved Joel at all. And it seemed as though the more Ray fell in love and the longer Joel was around him, the feeling grew. It was only when it started to drive a hole into their relationship that Joel ever noticed.

 

  “Hey, guys.”

Joel stood at the doorway and looked around, and for the third time that week Ray wasn’t to be seen. He’d almost figured as much, but a part of him hoped that maybe Ray had snapped out of whatever mood he was in. Third time’s lucky, right?

  “What’s up, Joel?”

Geoff was the only one who turned away from their screens after glancing to the door, the majority packing away to go to lunch and Joel almost looked sheepish as he had to ask again.

  “Has anyone seen Ray?”

Geoff almost felt bad as he glanced to Ray’s empty seat, half-hazardly shoved to the side and come to think of it he _had_ noticed how quickly the guy had ran off for lunch this week, but with Joel’s slightly worried expression now, he wondered if they’d had an argument and didn’t comment on it. Ray had seemed a little quiet that week, come to think of it.

  “Yeah, dude. He just left a few minutes ago.”

   “Oh, okay.” Joel replied quickly and nodded, biting a small portion of his lip for a second. “Any idea where he went?”

  “Not really, he just said he was off out for lunch.”

Joel had assumed that’d be the answer, but nodded again anyway. Shoving his hands into his pockets he cast a small “Alright, thanks anyway.” over his shoulder and left for the lunch room. All of a sudden, he didn’t really feel like going out.

 

The bigger problem was that Joel couldn’t exactly say Ray was acting off, because it was as though the minute Joel called him up about his sudden change in mood he’d snap out of it in an instant. That day was no exception either. When Ray came back that lunch Joel was quick to greet him, tugging at the side of his shirt and pulling the younger man close.

  “Hey, where did you go?”

Ray simply held up the drink in his hand and Joel frowned a little then. He _had_ asked if Ray wanted to go out to lunch with him, right? Almost instantly though, Ray’s eyes softened a little. As bad as he felt lately and as much as he wanted some free space to think, he couldn’t resist that frown and stare, and he never wanted to upset Joel anyway. That really wasn’t what he wanted to do right now, if anything he wanted to do the opposite if it wasn’t for his crushed mood.

  “Sorry, Joel. I just forgot.”

The older man smiled and nodded, even if that same excuse had been used all week. For then, he pinned it down as Ray having a bad few days and wrapped one of his arms around the other, kissing just above Ray’s temple to avoid his glasses and felt some relief as Ray chuckles at the action like he always did.

 

Joel walked with him to his usual room, and when he noticed the door shut and the corridor empty he stopped for a moment, leaving the other to raise an eyebrow and question him silently.

  “Are you alright?” Joel’s expression caused Ray to huff out a bit of laughter at just how confused he looked, but the amusement was fleeting when he caught the other’s eyes, catching him off guard.

  “Yeah, I’m just-“ He paused for a moment then, as though considering. “It’s nothing. I kinda figured you maybe wanted some air now and then so I went alone.”

It was a start. At least he’d admitted he hadn’t _just_ forgotten. But again, Joel wasn’t convinced, especially by the way Ray’s eyes darted to the floor for a minute. Something told him he’d have to catch Ray when they were alone about this, and the clock was ticking anyway for the end of break.

  “Why would I want some air? I was the one who asked you to lunch.”

Ray let out a breath of air then and shrugged, leaving Joel to merely shake his head. Knowing the corridor was empty for then; he placed a hand gently over Ray’s neck and leaned in for kiss, comforted by the way Ray pressed forward.

He wasn’t one for public displays of affection as such, even if he did make exceptions now and again. As he pulled away, he smiled when he noticed Ray followed him in search for more contact, hoping that would at least settle the other’s mind without him running the risk of blabbing for half an hour right there in the corridor. And somewhere inside of him, he silently hoped that it wasn’t Ray who wanted some space from him.

For the rest of the afternoon, Joel was riddled with worry and unbeknown to him, Ray’s head was just a big of a mess.

 

As the week went on, nothing changed much to Joel’s annoyance. Ray began ditching him more often and the excuses got flimsier every time, and when asked he’d simply shrug it off as though it wasn’t a big deal. Which it shouldn’t have been, but Joel couldn’t stop the cogs turning in his head and wondered if there was a bigger motive behind his actions. When Ray began turning down staying at his apartment for the night, Joel couldn’t help his insecurities get the better of him and luckily the action swung in his favour.

The building was near empty and as the pair walked out to Joel’s car. Ray could feel the other’s eyes on him and smiled slightly as his felt fingers brush against his own. He could almost guess what was coming and felt a sickening drop in his stomach, something he’d never felt before until recently. Somewhere in the back of his head he was afraid there was something else behind those feelings that were plaguing him day in and day out, but when Joel interlaced their fingers together, tugging to get his attention and smiling when Ray looked up he knew it couldn’t be that serious.

  “Are you busy tonight?” Joel asked, his voice a little quieter than normal and Ray felt the guilt hit him. He’d refused more than a few times recently and knew he couldn’t just shrug it off as being tired this time.

  “No, I'm free.”

Joel’s expression softened a little then, but Ray noticed the subtle, almost disheartened look from the tone he’d replied in. He never meant to sound so hesitant but his thoughts were running a hundred miles an hour. He squeezed Joel’s hand a little and gave a smile, trying his best to seem positive over the nerves in his stomach and slipped into the other’s car.

 

The ride to Joel’s was almost silent, the radio casting a comforting drone across the inside of the car. The older man didn’t dare speak up, almost afraid of provoking Ray in some way even if he was planning on approaching him about his mood later. Ray shuffled in his seat, staring out of the window and at the steadily darkening sky and tried to figure out where all his confidence had gone. It was beginning to settle down on him just how much he was pushing Joel away from his own loss of esteem. He never even noticed as they pulled up and parked, Joel having to place a hand on his shoulder and chuckle at how dazed he’d been.

  “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay. Are you alright?”

Ray simply nodded and headed out of the car and into Joel’s house.

 

He tried his best not to let his mood get the better of him, but each time Joel tried to cheer him up, one thought got stuck in his head and wouldn’t leave. He couldn't stop wondering why Joel was still so affection to him and why he still liked Ray.

Each time Ray shuffled up as if to get something to drink or eat, Joel was always quick to stand up and ask if he wanted anything getting. And when he came back, Joel’s fingers always found their way to ruffled Ray’s hair as he passed, fondly and gently, almost as though he was reassuring the other. And Ray wasn’t stupid, he knew it was exactly that.

  “Anything in particular you want to watch?” Joel asked after a while, Ray leant against his side with an almost blank expression on the television and blinked slowly as he came out of his daze. He shuffled a little and felt Joel’s fingers threading in the back of his hair once again, something he knew Ray liked.

His feelings were being torn the more he spent with Joel, half-wanting to just give in and push every worry out of his mind, half-wanting to push him away. Just from a simple action such as that he didn’t feel good enough. Ray finally realised he hadn’t replied, and looked at Joel for a second who was watching him carefully.

  “We can watch a film or something if you want, I’m not too bothered which.”

Joel didn’t choose to push for anything else, and moved from the couch to pick a DVD from random. All the while, words were on the tip of his tongue. Ray was starting to genuinely worry him. Was he bored of him? Was that why he was acting so distant? The question left him before he could even stop it in his throat.

   “Hey, Ray?”

The younger man’s heart made a jolt, and he watched as Joel fiddled with the remote, skipping through as many advertisements as he could and staring at the screen as he talked to Ray, feeling suddenly very off put and almost scared.

  “Yeah? What’s up?”

Joel avoided any eye contact as he spoke, busying himself with flicking through the menu more than enough times to change the subtitles to off and start the film. As the opening credits flickered into life, he turned off the living room light and started to speak again.

  “I’m just worried? I guess. I mean-” he cut himself off, sighing and running a hand through his own hair out of habit. He sat down next to Ray and pointedly looked away.

  “I mean, you keep going to lunch by yourself. And you haven’t been here as much as before.” Joel wet his lips with a lick of his tongue, breathing out and noticing from the corner of his eye how Ray seemed on edge, looking at him with a nervous stare, but still he didn’t speak.

  “If I’ve done something wrong, Ray, you just need to tell me, you know?”

Joel looked to him then, his eyes more open and honest than Ray’d ever seen. He felt his chest constrict and the feeling out-weighed any amount of worry he’d had before. He couldn’t help but let the corners of his mouth quirk upwards, smiling and shaking his head a little. He looked to the floor, running a hand across his face almost as though laughing to himself.

Joel’s body was still tense and he watched anxiously, waiting for Ray to explain. He didn’t get much of an answer, the first thing he felt was Ray’s hand coming to rest on the top of one shoulder and pulling him in slowly for a kiss. Joel didn’t complain, but didn’t press so much back, a little confused even if his stomach did give a jolt like it did almost every time Ray acted this affectionate.

Ray pulled away and his head seemed to be cleared, even if something was still niggling in the back of it. He let out a breath of air, shuffling on the couch to glue himself to Joel’s side. The older man didn’t complain, wrapping an arm around him and sitting back. He was about to talk, but Ray’s voice cut him off, talking above the drone of a film he didn’t recognize.

  “You’re probably going to laugh if I tell you now.”

  “I won’t.”

Ray smiled, shaking his head again and taking a breath.

   “I’ve made it seem like such a big deal but-” he took a hand, running it through his hair almost embarrassed, and laughed as Joel put a hand over his own for a second, before moving it around Ray’s arm again, thumb rubbing patterns against the skin under his shirt.

  “It’s just, lately I guess I’ve not felt so good about myself.”

He felt Joel’s arm tighten around him then, and he shifted so his legs were up on the couch, leaning further into him and feeling a press of lips against his temple. With each action, Ray felt his worries subsiding and felt more and more ridiculous at ever feeling like this when Joel kept running soothing patterns against his skin and kissing him every so often. Then again, Joel had been the same once about his age and other things. He figured maybe it was just natural.

  “Why have you felt like that, do you think? Is it something I’ve done?”

Ray shook his head quickly, feeling Joel’s worried stare on him even as he looked towards the television.

  “It’s not your fault at all. I just keep feeling like I’m not good enough, you know?” Ray’s throat began to clamp shut again as he came close to telling Joel what was really wrong, but he threw away any caution at each comforting touch Joel left.

   “I just kept feeling like I wasn’t good enough for you.”

His voice was quiet with a hint of embarrassment lining it, but Joel still heard even if the film blared out in the darkness of the room. He didn’t know what to say at all, his brow furrowing as he let the words sink in. He muttered Ray’s name quietly, shifting and leaning back on the sofa to pull Ray onto him, with a bit of shuffling Ray was laid on his chest, head tilted to the side under Joel’s chin as he looked at the television, not really watching but waiting.

  “I thought you were planning on breaking up.” Joel mumbled, pressing his lips atop Ray’s head for a second and letting out a breath.

   “You shouldn’t feel like that, Ray. At all. Are you sure it’s not something I’ve done?”

  “Promise.” was all Ray answered with.

  “I love you. You know that?”

Ray felt himself smiling, tilting his head to look Joel in the eyes and seeing that familiar smile. Deep down, he knew he couldn’t even think of waking up and not seeing the look most mornings, and spending lunch listening to Joel’s voice as he got lost in his own conversation. Deep down, he knew he had to trust Joel first and foremost, and as the older man began talking away, Ray knew he was stupid for worrying so much.

  “-you’re perfect, Ray.”

The younger of the two looked up then, watching Joel’s expression and seeing him smile softly. Propping himself up, he leaned in for a kiss which Joel returned with not a single second of hesitation.

With Joel muttering between kisses as to why Ray shouldn’t be worried at all, and feeling Joel’s heart-beat beneath his fingertips, the worries began to ebb from his body and leave him feeling weightless. Nothing but a flutter in his stomach and a pleasant ache in his heart as Joel spent every bit of energy assuring him that he wanted no one else. And Ray didn’t think he could have loved Joel more right then. With a man who wanted nothing more or less than to prove to him that Ray was all he ever wanted, and more than he’d ever hoped to deserve.

Between those gentle kisses and the hands running up his back in soothing and reassuring motions, it didn’t take long for Ray to forget what he was even worried about.

**Author's Note:**

> If you would like to reblog or like this fic on tumblr:
> 
> http://teaandotherstuff.tumblr.com/post/48879937111/change-of-pace


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